A song and dance for Crusaders fans

A song and dance for Crusaders fans
By TONY SMITH - The Press | Wednesday, 28 May 2008
A song and dance for Crusaders fans - Rugby news & coverage - Stuff.co.nz

Crusaders chief executive Hamish Riach could do worse than resort to a song-and-dance routine to pack the punters in for the Super 14 final.

If billing the match as the Reuben-Robbie-Caleb Fond Farewell doesn't get posteriors on pews, Riach and his marketing minions may have to think more laterally.

There's no such thing as an original idea in sports event promotion.

I'm sure the Crusaders aren't the only sporting franchise using Conquest of Paradise as a theme song.

So, if they want a pluvial point of difference, they should now look to Preston, an old cotton milling town in northern England.

It's the former hometown of All Whites football great Steve Sumner and, like Christchurch, has a capricious climate.

Preston North End, the local football team, plays at Deepdale where one of the four stands is named after Alan Kelly, a PNE goalkeeping legend.

The great local derby in Sumner's old parish is between Preston and Blackpool whose Bloomfield Road ground isn't as grand as Deepdale.

Preston fans have named the away-fans stand at Blackpool as The Gene Kelly Stand because there's no roof and they're always "singin' in the rain".

These days, our own AMI Stadium arena boasts more gaps than a gummy great-granddad's dental plate.

Even dyed-in-the-wool, rugby-was-the-winner Canterbury supporters club stalwarts are now giving wet nights a huge Casey Laulala swerve.

Crusaders fans too poor for the posh seats in the Paul Kelly stand now congregate in the southern stand without a roof to protect them from the autumnal vicissitudes.

A gaggle of Carmelite nuns gate-crashing a Quaker's convention make more noise than the average New Zealand rugby crowd.

But if the open-stand faithful bothered to break into verse, they could sing from the same sheet as their Preston pals.

"Singin' in the rain ... we're singin' in the rain ... "

So if you're looking for pre-match entertainment, can we suggest the Crusaders hold the horses and give the cheerleaders the night off?

As befits the trickle-down theory, we need some leadership from the top.

Hamish Riach could slip into a grey 1950s Gene Kelly garb, twirl an umbrella and get the crowd going with a nifty tap-dancing turn.

Hame used to be a walking champion so it wouldn't take him too long to get the heel-toe, click-clack motion down pat.

If Hamish's voice doesn't match his tapping talents, he could draft in a Debbie Reynolds-replacement in the form of Hayley Westenra.

"Singin' in the rain ... we're singin' in the rain, what a glorious feeling, we're winning again ..."

"Let the stormy clouds chase Phil Waugh from our place

"I've got a seat in the stand, I've a smile on my face."

Of course, it never rains in Christchurch on Super rugby finals night and Saturday's forecast is for fine weather.

But that's what they said before the pea-soup thick fog descended for the final against the Hurricanes in 2006.

Sydney's shame

IF YOU WANT an immediate declaration of trans-Tasman Waugh then don't mention the score to big Matt Dunning.

The drop-kicking prop is one of the few survivors of the Woeful Waratahs, the 2002 team beaten 19-96 by the Crusaders in Christchurch.

Phil Waugh, the Waratahs skipper for Saturday's Super 14 final, skipped the shellacking through injury.

It remains one of my favourite press-box memories. An apoplectic Australian scribe, the type who wouldn't normally give a provincial Kiwi colleague the steam off his half-time Bovril, let out a great groan seconds before the full-time whistle.

"Humiliated, disgraced, embarrassed ... " he barked into the blower as he dictated a live report to a Sydney radio station.

Bob Dwyer's Horror-tahs, like this season's mob, were second on the Super 12 log and were already assured of a home semi-final.

But the Crusaders cruised to a 63-0 lead at half time, which almost had impish first five-eighth Andrew Mehrtens lost for words.

"Is this for real?," he exclaimed during the interval.

It could have been a 100-point hiding for the Tahs but for three try-saving tackles.

The Crusaders had a bonus point for a fourth try by the 16th minute and crossed the chalk 14 times in all.

Caleb Ralph, who will be lucky to get a game this Saturday night, scored four times for a new Crusaders record.

It was a case (to paraphrase a famous Scottish soccer headline) of Super Caleb Goes Ballistic Bob's Mob Quite Atrocious.

I'm not at all sorry that this year's Crusaders team has lost a couple of games because they do not yet compare to the great group of 2002, which had an all-All Blacks pack and Mehrtens, Justin Marshall and Aaron Mauger lined up in the inside backs.