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Scoreboard doesn't lie
A week late, but I don't care. According to BBC Sports, this was the exchange during the Kangaroos' drubbing of England, 52-4. ZAussie league fans: "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie; Oi, Oi, Oi!"
England fans: "You've only got one song!"
Aussies: "You've only got one try!"
You're not in our league
There has been a lot of unfortunate sniping between rugby union and rugby league people in recent weeks over the nonsense of the Rugby League World Cup. It has been uncalled for, unfortunate, unhelpful and I only want to do it once more - simply on the grounds that I can't resist. Listen, you knuckleheads. When rugby union people have a go at your Rugby League World Cup, it is for the simple reason that we are born to rule, OK?
I mean, you know us. Whenever we can get our toffee noses out of the corporate trough for long enough, we love nothing better than to sip our gins at the Gordon Club, compare our leather patches and in between giving renditions of our old school war cries and slapping each other on the back, we like to rip into rugby league. It is part of our birthright, and you cannot deny it. And while, in response, you like to point out that our own Rugby World Cup is hardly a comp between equal starters, you have to be kidding. Do you think the football World Cup is? Huh? Germany, France, Italy and Brazil pretty much covers it, doesn't it? The point, of course - as if everyone didn't know - is that at least the teams in Rugby World Cup genuinely hail from the countries concerned, and are part of genuine rugby competitions played there. Why we snort derisively about the RLWC is because there are only genuine league comps played in England, New Zealand, Australia and Papua New Guinea, meaning all the rest is total sham - a "farcade", if you like.
Thank you. Case closed. Pass the gin, old boy. And congrats to the Kangaroos for their thumping win over the Kiwis tonight.
Team of the week
Daniel Anderson. New coach of the Parramatta Eels.
Ben Cousins. Has been allowed to return to the AFL, as long as he promises to take all his leaks in a test tube.
John Daly. Is coming to play in the Australian Masters. This is good news for local bars and fast-food outlets recently hit by the recession. And yes, my strong feeling is he will want fries with that.
Munster. Almost repeated their heroics of 30 years ago, with the All Blacks needing a 76th-minute try to finally beat them 18-16. Bugger!
The Springbok. One of the most famous emblems in world sport is no longer and will be replaced by the Protea.
Golf, rugby sevens, baseball, softball, squash, roller sports and karate. All presented their case for inclusion at the 2016 Olympics. A vote on the two lucky winners will be made next year.
Argentina/Spain. Are in the Davis Cup final in Argentina this weekend. With Rafael Nadal out, Argentina are big favourites for their first title. Weird, isn't it, that once Australia gets knocked out every year, no one cares any more about the final?
The NSW Over-60s Cricket Association. TFF hears they're prospering, with over-60s cricket taking off in the past four years. Things are so strong, they will shortly be sending teams on overseas tours, so tell your rellies in England to lock up their grandmothers.
The Wallabies. Nailed England to the wall at Twickenham last Saturday.
Jesse Clarke. Following TFF's inquiries, it turns out that Clarke is another of the breed we were looking for: a Maitland Pumpkin Picker rugby league player, who still picks pumpkins for a living.
What they said
Kangaroos centre Greg Inglis: "I think we thoroughly deserve the praise that we should be getting, but we're not …"
This, according to one Fitzphile, was the headline that should have run in British papers, after the Wallabies, led by the previously much-maligned Australian prop Al Baxter, put the perfidious English to the sword at Twickenham: "BAXTER THE WALL - Pommy Pack Annihilated!"
All Black great Sean Fitzpatrick at a function at Twickenham before the Wallabies played England and hooker Stephen Moore won the match honours: "Stephen Moore is the best hooker in world rugby today." From such as Fitzpatrick, this is not a bad commendation.
Monty Betham on why the new Parramatta coach Daniel Anderson had a sticky time when he was coaching the Warriors: "Their spirits were low because they didn't like being spoken to the way Daniel was speaking to them. Every other word was the f-word and it was delivered with so much anger and intensity."
There was one time, however, when the Warriors were down 26-12 at half-time against Penrith when, as former Warriors chief executive Mick Watson recalls, Anderson's half-time speech consisted of "F--- you!" to each of the 17-man squad as they entered the dressing room, and then finally "F--- the lot of you!" before he walked out: "I walked in at half-time … [it was] f--- you, f--- you, f--- you. We were down and out. It was terrible." Watson left in disgust, only to find that the Warriors went on to a great victory.
John Connolly on international rugby politics: "There is no trust between the hemispheres, which is not helped by John O'Neill representing Australia."
Harbhajan Singh on why he thinks India were better prepared for the Tests against Australia: "I think they were busy writing their books, while we were busy preparing for the series. You can see what difference it has made."
Kerry O'Keeffe's take on what happened in India: "Has there ever been a greater over-reaction to a couple of bowling changes …? On sandy surfaces, Ricky Ponting may not be Rommel, but he is definitely not Thomas Blamey either." A tad unfair on Blamey, but still.
O'Keeffe on the New Zealand series: "Daniel Vettori is possibly bowling better than at any stage of his career. His drifting left-arm spinners are swinging more than Elton John. With the cue, the Kiwis will introduce a fatty boom stick No.3 yet to knock back an offer to upsize in Jesse Ryder."
Wayne Bennett on not going to the Cowboys after the board nixed him: "In the end, I thought, thank heavens I'm not going to a club that runs by democracy. Give me leadership over daily democratic meetings every day of the week."
Former Sydney FC coach and now Scottish assistant coach Terry Butcher on whether he can ever forgive Maradona for the Hand of God goal: "No, I'll never forgive him."
rest of Fitzy entertaing column here..........
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John Connolly on international rugby politics: "There is no trust between the hemispheres, which is not helped by John O'Neill representing Australia."