0
AND to think we almost had a six-team play-offs series in the Super 14 this year.
That was the plan, one of the key outcomes of the SANZAR meeting in Perth last July. The first six teams in the competition after everyone had played everyone else would get to the finals.
Simple. Except, of course, that this wasn't nearly complicated enough for the South Africans, who demanded that the top two teams from New Zealand, Australia and South Africa fight out the play-offs instead, irrespective of where they finished on the table.
That was a tad too ridiculous for Australia to accept - even though, as the competition ladder stands, it would be the country to benefit most.
Under the South African system, if finals berths were allocated on present rankings, the seventh-placed Brumbies would qualify instead of the sixth-placed Crusaders because New Zealand has used up its two-berth quota with the table-topping Hurricanes and Chiefs.
So the whole idea was dropped, which is a pity, because with just two rounds remaining, nine teams are still in contention. Whatever happens over the next fortnight, five teams capable not only of making the finals but of winning the title are doomed to miss out.
Most vulnerable is the ninth-placed Western Force, which is biting its nails after losing 32-29 to the Bulls in Pretoria yesterday. Not a smart idea that, biting fingernails, because that's all they're hanging on by. But anyone observing how heroically the Force stood up to the bludgeoning of the Bulls to come so close to a stunning victory - after losing its second playmaker James O'Connor to an early injury - would have come away convinced it can still go all the way if somehow it can navigate through the minefield of the next two weeks. At least its remaining two matches are against sides ranked below it, the Stormers and Highlanders.
South Africans, bless their conspiracy theory-obsessed hearts, were bleating loudly on their websites yesterday that the Queensland Reds, long out of contention, deliberately threw their match against the Brumbies on Saturday to give their fellow Australians a boost up the ladder.
Granted, it certainly looked at times like this was exactly what the Reds were up to.
How else to explain how Brumbies second-rower Peter Kimlin came to score just before half-time after rumbling into a settled Queensland defensive line and going straight through Brando Va'aulu and James Horwill with barely a finger laid on him? But a fix has to be organised, and the Reds don't do organised.
No, pathetic as it was, this was a Reds side going full tilt. Late in the second half, an official in the Suncorp Stadium press box announced, "the crowd is ... " and then paused to get his hands on the attendance figure, but all I could think of was "long-suffering".
To be a Reds supporter, following this side week after week, is to get a sense of what Charles Sturt must have experienced traversing the Simpson Desert back in 1844, laboriously but optimistically climbing one slippery sand dune after another, only to find the outlook is even bleaker on the other side.
Life in the ranks of the Red Army is an endless circular march of wishful anticipation, false dawns and cruel anti-climax.
Queensland supporters might be dying a slow death, but spare a thought for Phil Mooney. The Reds are coach-killers. Since 2002, they've killed off Mark McBain, Andrew Slack, Jeff Miller and Eddie Jones, and now they have Mooney squarely in their sights. Honestly, there's only one thing for him to do - get them before they get him.
Still, full credit to the Brumbies, even if little more was asked of them than to hold their line intact for two or three phases, which is the most the Reds can manage at any one time before their brains get overtaxed.
But nonetheless, it was impressive the way the Brumbies were able to employ two distinct defensive patterns without falling into confusion - using the slide defence whenever the Reds won a quick ruck ball, and the rush defence on a slow ball. In attack, the Brumbies' tactics of working the inside channel were hardly revolutionary, but that's always the best way of exposing a side that is lazy in defence and doesn't make the effort to push across.
The runaway win leaves the Brumbies sharing fifth spot with the Waratahs and Crusaders, three points adrift of the Sharks. And that means the Waratahs can do everyone a favour if they go armed with spear-guns when they dive into the Shark Tank on Saturday.
NSW's 18-10 win over the Cheetahs on the weekend should not be cause for disappointment but somehow it is. No doubt that's selling the Cheetahs short.
Cursed as they were by a draw that forced them to play their first six matches on the road, the boys from Bloemfontein still shouldn't to be taken lightly, as their results since returning home have shown.
Yet even though the Waratahs are desperate not just for wins but for bonus points, they can't seem to shake their conservative mindset. Leading 15-3 with only 15 minutes remaining and two tries still needed for a bonus point, what did NSW skipper Phil Waugh do when presented with a penalty deep inside the Cheetah territory? He kicked for goal.
Now as it happened, the Waratahs needed their eight-point buffer as the Cheetahs clawed their way back in the dying minutes. But just once this season, it would be inspiring to see a statement of raw, aggressive ambition from the Tahs.
Even in the frenetic climactic stages of the competition, they remain so measured, so infuriatingly calculated.