The female demerit system...

[Happy]

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed (+1)

* You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

* You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8)

* But return with Beer (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

* You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

* It's her pet (-20)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

* You stay by her side the entire party (0)

* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

* Named Tina (-10)

* Tina is a dancer (-20)

* Tina has silicone implants (-80)


HER BIRTHDAY

* You take her out to dinner (+2)

* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

* Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

* And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

* You take her to a movie (+1)

* You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

* You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

* You take her to a movie you like (-2)

* It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans(-15)


YOUR PHYSIQUE

* You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

* You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

* You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


THE BIG QUESTION

* She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

* You hesitate in responding (-10)

* You reply, "Where?" (-35)

* Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

* When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

* You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

[wilko]

How do you know all this.... are you married

[Em-Forcer]

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

* You stay by her side the entire party (0)

Seriously? What sort of social losers do you think we ladies are???

* You stay by her side the entire party (-100)
* You mingle but return to top up her drink when necessary (+20)

That's more like it!

[Lonzy]

yep I agree with that em!!! ... no wonder it is so hard to find a decent guy! they have read this! dagnam it!

[Flamethrower]

So you girls want to go out with a waiter????

[JediKnight]

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed (+1)
before you come home at 5am

* You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
wtf is a decorative pillow unless you've decorated it yourself?!

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
who's rumpled sheets? is shee a cheerleader?

* You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8)
why would you do that....unless they're available at an all night garage?

* But return with Beer (-5)
at closing time

* You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
in her wardrobe.....where's the baseball bat

* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
being a bloke, you'd know it was nothing before checking it out

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
if it's her 18-year-old sister........+10,000

* You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
see above!

* It's her pet (-20)
if you're Tasmanian....+20

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

* You stay by her side the entire party (0)
why? are there only ugly girls at the party?!

* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
as long as you did a secretarial course

* Named Tina (-10)
Tina the cheerleader

* Tina is a dancer (-20)
in a club with poles

* Tina has silicone implants (-80)
why would you need silicone implants at 18-years-old

HER BIRTHDAY

* You take her out to dinner (+2)
they serve food at the local pub

* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
why would you do that?

* Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
is there a week without sports?

* And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
cheerleaders are in town

* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
see above

A NIGHT OUT

* You take her to a movie (+1)
cheerleaders of the 80s

* You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
cheerleaders of the 90s

* You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
anything with Keanu Reeves

* You take her to a movie you like (-2)
cheerleaders of the 2000s

* It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
Death Cop 2....the revenge of the cheerleaders

* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans(-15)
orphan cheerleaders


YOUR PHYSIQUE

* You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
who notices?

* You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
only if you notice it

* You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
stop reading GQ

* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
show her the door

THE BIG QUESTION

* She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
show her the door

* You hesitate in responding (-10)
you hesitate in responding: "the door's that way"

* You reply, "Where?" (-35)

* Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

* When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
a concerned expression that she can't find the door (see above)

* You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
why? advert breaks don't last that long

* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
at 1am when the pub's shut

* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

see above

[wilko]

[Darren]

The rules are simply. Points may be accrued for various acts of chivalry, but any move to cash in said accrued points will result in their immediate and irreversible negation.

[GIGS20]

Unless of course Coach there was any indication tipping you off to the value of said act of chivalry in which case any points accrued will be reduced by a factor of 120%

If the party of the first part uses telepathic skills to decipher the needs of the party of the second part points accrual may commence.