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Rugby: Feature - Setanta Sports
by Mark Doyle, 31 December 2007
That was the year that was - and wasn't
Mark Doyle takes a month-by-month look at a dramatic year for rugby - with England going so close in the World Cup as Ireland capitulated.
The year 2007 will be remembered fondly by South Africa and some gallant World Cup minnows, while others - such as New Zealand - will want it dispensed into withered memory.
January:
The month begins with Jake White being hired by the Irish Rugby Football Union to “work in a support role” alongside Eddie O’Sullivan. O’Sullivan’s reacts by saying: “The IRFU circled the wagons after the World Cup and decided that there’s more than one way to skin a cat. I’ll accept it and move on; you can’t unring a bell.” The listening media are unsure if O’Sullivan is pleased or disappointed with the appointment, but assume the latter. Bernard Laporte gets back into rugby after his career as a politician comes to a disappointing end. The former Les Bleus boss is accused of being too boring and conservative to be a member of Nicolas Sarkozy’s cabinet and decides upon a return to rugby – with Biarritz. In the bespectacled coach’s first game in charge, the Basques crash out of the Heineken Cup after a 0-0 draw away to Saracens. Laporte insists himself happy with the result.
February:
The Six Nations gets underway. Ireland defeat Italy but Eddie O’Sullivan grows increasingly suspicious of the IRFU’s intentions after being refused a seat on the bench or indeed in the stand for the game at Croke Park. Meanwhile, at Twickenham, England run out comfortable winners in their clash with Wales. The players claim afterwards that the improvement was down to their decision to follow ditch Brian Ashton’s instructions and follow their own gameplan.
The following week, O’Sullivan drops all of his first-teamers for the trip to Paris to take on Les Bleus on the basis that they didn’t play well in France during last year’s World Cup. Jones reverses the decision, however, and Ireland claim a famous away victory. Wales are beaten by Scotland, largely due to the fact that six of their regulars are unable to play after being arrested for an incident outside a Cardiff nightclub the night before. England win again, this time by a record margin over the Italians. The players publicly call for Ashton’s head after the game.
Round 3 sees Ireland defeat Scotland. Eddie O’Sullivan watches the game from home. England repeat their World Cup semi-final success over France. Les Bleus boss Marc Lievremont is baffled by the result, especially as statistics that show that France had 70 percent of the possession and outscored their visitors by four tries to nil. However, Jonny Wilkinson wins the game for England with a last-minute drop goal. Confusion reigns in the French camp, however, as they led by 30 points at the time.
March:
With 16 members of their match squad unable to leave the country due to outstanding court cases, Wales take an understrength squad to Ireland and lose heavily. England prove too strong for Scotland, while France overwhelm Italy. The final weekend of the Championship sees England record a Grand Slam thanks to a long overdue win over Ireland at Twickenham. Brian Ashton is sacked, just moments after being attacked whilst leaving the pitch by his players – and Steve Black.
April:
The IRFU announce a review into the national team’s Six Nations campaign. However, the review will only begin after the conclusion of their review into their review of last year’s World Cup campaign. Just a week after scoring eight tries in a French league game, Rupeni Caucaunibuca fails to return from a brief trip home to look after his dog, who has a toothache, and misses a vital Top 14 fixture for Agen as a result. He returns to France a week later, claiming to have been kidnapped by Lord Lucan. He subsequently fails a drug test.
May:
Glasgow rock the rugby world by winning the Heineken Cup after a thrilling encounter with defending champions Wasps. Unfortunately, the Warriors fold a week later after a dispute with the Scottish Rugby Union. The final at Twickenham is also noteworthy for the fact that not a single supporter from Glasgow or Wasps is present, with all the tickets somehow ending up in possession of Munster fans. Ospreys win the Magners League after Leinster throw away a 16-point lead in the final four games of the season. The Munstermen’s victory somewhat by an incident outside a hotel at Cork airport in which a number of vehicles are damaged. No charges are pressed against those involved. Ireland, England, Scotland and Wales and France all name under-strength squads for their summer tours for….eh…. no apparent reason.
June:
Gavin Henson leaves Charlotte Church for Amy Winehouse. Jonny Wilkinson shakes English rugby to its very core by announcing his intention to quit rugby. The England fly-half announces his desire to move abroad and live happily every after - with Steve Black. The tabloids blame Ashton for Wilkinson’s retirement and hound him out of the country.
July:
New Zealand kick off their Tri-Nations campaign with successive home wins over South Africa. The All Blacks rack up 142 unanswered points over the course of the two games. The Boks suffer another embarrassing defeat by Australia the following week, prompting an anonymous South African Rugby Union official to admit that “Jake White might have been a better coach than we thought!” In the first real Test of their supposed return to form, the All Blacks bottle it and are soundly beaten by Australia in Sydney.
August:
The summer’s transfer activity draws to a close but not before the entire New Zealand squad announce plans to immediately join clubs in Europe. The All Blacks are then forced to field weakened teams for the remainder of the Tri-Nations. The Heineken Cup draw is made. Bizarrely, Biarritz end up in a pool with three Italian sides, which doesn’t make sense on a number of levels. Still, there are five groups of death to keep the neutrals interested.
September:
Australia clinch the Tri-Nations title with an impressive rout of New Zealand in Brisbane. Anton Oliver refers to Primo Levi’s If This Be Man in a post-match interview in an attempt to convey the sense of hopelessness and despair in the All Blacks’ dressing room after the match. Graham Henry is sacked as New Zealand head coach and immediately replaced by Robbie Deans, who walks out on the Wallabies. The Magners League gets underway, with just one Scottish team involved, Edinburgh, who boast a 60-man squad boasted by the arrival of a plethora of players from the now defunct Glasgow Warriors.
October:
Lawrence Dallaglio’s wife gives birth to the couple’s third child. Dallaglio claims that Mrs Dallaglio and the midwife actually did very little right during the labour and that he was pretty much responsible for the successful delivery.
November:
Wales call off their autumnal Test programme as all three dates clash with AA meetings. The loss of revenue forces the Welsh Rugby Union into drastic action and we witness the berth of the Newport-Gwent-Cardiff Blue Dragons. Argentina win all three of their November Tests. All and sundry admit that the Pumas really do, although the French seem incredibly keen that they join the Tri-Nations and not the Six Nations.
December:
The Heineken Cup continues, albeit without French clubs after the French union, enraged by plans to allow Argentina into the Six Nations, orders their immediate withdrawal. The IRFU review into their World Cup campaign comes to a startling conclusion: Ireland’s team was not as good as everyone thought it was.
Was the wait worth it - Ya betta baby 
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