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After finally checking in with two and a half hours to kill I decide to get the security check over and done with. I wonder up to the metal detector shifting all of my spare change out of my pocket and in to my wallet when I get stopped by one of the kind and friendly security personnel who asked me if I had a laptop computer in my bag, no mate was my reply, Oh wait, yes I do. 5 kind and friendly security personnel now look at me with renewed interest.
Before I continue my story about my little adventure with the 5 Security Guards, let me explain my confusion. I do not own a laptop. I own a portable DVD player. My sister-in-law works for with a very large electronic goods manufacturer. And she was trying to get my Portable DVD player some more rechargeable battery packs because one only lasts 2 hours or less, pretty useless on a five hour plus flight. She couldn’t help me out with a battery pack, so she hooked me up with a laptop computer with a DVD player. Just perfect for those long flights without any in flight entertainment, hence my confusion.
So back to the smiling security guards, now before you think that I had a cavity search with a large security guard named Bubba. I did not. Sorry to disappoint you. After I removed the in question item from my bag strolled through the security check point with out a hitch. **Phew**. There appeared to be a couple of disappointed uniformed officials as I quickly collected my belongings, but I didn’t hang around to find out.
Strolling to my gate I was still trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do for two and a half hours, I figured the first thing I needed to do was find a quiet place to make a couple of calls, people were expecting me in Perth at a certain time, and I wasn’t going to make it. I found that Virgin Blue has an area for frequent travellers, and for a lazy $5.00 you can make yourself home, which is exactly what I did.
First call was to my Dad. It sounded like this (adult language has been changed to protect the innocent);
TCIE: “Hey Dad, it’s me”
TCIE’s Dad: “Gday mate, how you doin?”
T: “Damnful”
D: “what happened?”
T: “I missed my Gosh Darn it flight!!!!”
D “Oh Golly”
T: “I got on a later Darn flight. I get in just after 3pm your time”
D: “How much did they sting you for that?”
T: “Goshin’ fifty”
D: “Darn that’s pretty goshin’ good”
T: “Yeah. So I will see you this arvo, or do I need a taxi?”
D: “Nah mate, I will get you”
T: “Ok, I will call you when I land”
D: “Good stuff, cya mate”
T: “Cya Dad”
The Next call was to Burgs, we were planning to meet before the Leederville for some pre-drink drinks and I needed let him know I wasn’t going to be able to make it.
The call went like this (Once again adult language has been changed to protect the innocent);
Burgs: “Hello?”
TCIE: “Burgs, T C I E”
B: “Gday mate you doing?”
T: “Goshed!!!! Just about the wost Goshin day of my life”
B: “oh? What’s up?”
(A quick summary of how my day is doing followed. Sorry I can’t be stuffed writing it out. But you get the idea)
B: “Darn mate, you are having a good day.”
T: “Look mate – I won’t be able to meet up with you until the official party now, sorry but I don’t get to Perth until after 3pm.”
B: “ok mate, will talk to you then”
T: “Cya mate”
I found out later that Burgs reckoned I sounded like an escapee from the nearest home for the intellectually challenged, can’t imagine why.
So with 2 hours plus still needing to be killed I get out the laptop and plug in the first DVD. You are not going to believe this readers but I swear to John Eales its true, the laptop worked just fine, but it wouldn’t play any of my DVD’s.
That will do for now, all this typing has made me light headed. Part 3, if you want it, will follow soon…………
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TCIE you win the "FAN OF THE WEEK" Award! 
