Dear Bakkies,

What a month I've had!

I'm the CEO of the national organisation for a certain football code on the east coast of Australia, and the media have created a number of mountains out of molehills recently. You'd think none of these journos had never had group sex in front of their furiously masturbating mates while taking coke and racially abusing people. I mean c'mon, who hasn't?

But this isn't what I'm writing about.

It's the moral depravity of the Australian Rugby Union that's thrust into my face repeatedly, like a Cronulla Shark's hard-on in a hotel room.

First of all, they poach Sonny Bill Williams - while still in contract! I even wrote to the ARU about it, and they just said "Er, it wasn't us. It was a French club" who then just paid their way out of it like it's some sort of "business deal" or something. Have these guys no moral compass? Have they not heard of mateship? You just don't break a deal made in an RSL for one thing!

Then, they bring these poached stars back to play in an all-star Ruggah match IN ORIGIN WEEK! Where's the respect for the greatest game on earth? The greatest back-line EVER was on display for Queensland on Wednesday night. It might even win a world cup one day, if and when we feel like having another one.

But that's not all.

To publicise their grubby game, they use Wendell Sailor - A RUGBY LEAGUE PLAYER - in a television ad! Have they no sense of decency? As I said in the press, it just shows what a shabby state Yawnion is in.

Finally, last time I was in a meeting with the ARU Chief Exec, I discovered what certainly looked like a pubic hair in my water glass. He seemed to find rather amusing. What is going on?!

Bakkies, help - what am I to do?

Yours exasperated

DG


Dear DG,

Look broer I dont know much about League in the first place.

If I have a look at what your lot keeping busy and what you moan about it seems that your lot have to get to a Kamp Staaldraad.

There we do this manlove thing the hard man way. If you had that experience you wont mind a ball hair in your glass and would be to tired to get a Bulls horn to spend time for hard ons in hotel rooms or sniffing coke or having group sex.

Vok, only Joost have time for this kak after retiring and a high pragnent wife.

So my advice is organise and attend Kamp Staaldraad, then we talk again.

Must say the French lot can smokkel a head. Have first hand experiense.

Bakkies


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